BAY CAMP OI!!
haha sorry i'm just too excited.
and it's tomorrow!
wow how time flies.

and i'm damn tired today.
couldn't sleep last night.
i was thinking about myself being angry at my brother for some reason.
then i slammed the door on him and locked myself in my bedroom and cried.
then i thought.
what if when i slammed the door on my brother,
his finger got caught?
then this thought eventually evolved into my brother's whole head being smashed and all bloody.
basically lying dead on the floor.
i thought of how i would start screaming and crying.
then i imagined my family members.
one by one lying dead on the floor with their heads cracked and all bloody.
then i imagined some people i know lying dead on the floor with their heads cracked and all bloody.
some of my friends.
then..
i thought of myself in their place.
i imagined my head being smashed by the door.
and while i was feeling more and more scared when i thought of other people dead,
when i pictured myself,
i sudenly felt a bit calmer.
a bit happy even.

can someone tell me what's wrong with me???!!!
please.
i can't take it anymore.

hello i'm back!
sorry for not posting again.=)

and BAY camp is just round the corner!!!!
wheeeeeeeeee!
i can't wait.
camp camp camp camp camp camp camp camp camp ca-
okay nevermind.
you get the idea.
and it's gonna be in choa chu kang..
so far..
but i guess it's nice to have BAY camp in a different environment.
I
CAN'T
WAIT
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hee okay overreacting.
sorry.

and nowadays i don't even have the guts to weigh myself.
because..
i PUT ON WEIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
alamak back to my diet again.
haven't been thinking much of my weight.
oh no.
valerie how could you??
you horrible person!
go back to your diet right NOW!!
and when i say now i mean NOW!!!!!
..
sorry.
i think my randomness has come back.

okay.
blah blah blah blah blah blah i don't know what to say anymore.
oh ya.
i was thinking..
should i bring biscuits to camp so that i won't have to eat the whole packet of food?
that way i won't waste food.
and maybe won't gain anymore weight?
yeah.
but wouldn't that be wasting my money?
after all the camp fees include food payment right?
okay..
maybe i should just not eat and give my food to someone else.
ahh.
oh wait maybe not.
that way i'll be causing inconvenience to some ppl.
good grief valerie what are you thinking?

okay i should stop thinking now.
my thinking too much will probably lead to drastic results.

oh.
and the choir thing in church.
now all of us have the songs stuck in our heads.
..
and the soprano has to sing so high.
walao.
i know i was in soprano 1 last time.
but i think i've lost my touch already.
and my voice is horrible anyway.
should have gone to alto.
=/
oh well.
too late.
and i realised that i'll be missing like 4 practices.
!!!!!!!
howhowhowhowhowhowhowhow???
won't be recording 3 songs.
which means that i won't know how to sing them.
OH NO.
HELP!
maybe i can learn them myself?
oh well.

my suffering hasn't ended.
it's only just beginning.
i wonder how much longer i can take it.

heh i always never post.
oh well.
i'm posting now aren't i?
=))

anyway.
i'm going to arielle's house tomorrow!
for some movie marathon.
wheeee!
one whole day of watching movies.
how fun.
haha probably gonna get boring after a while but who cares.

i hate myself.
i suck.
i should just die now.
or maybe someone should come and murder me?
yeah that's a good idea.
so whoever's reading this post now and hates me like crap,
you can consider killing me in my sleep anytime.
wait.
don't consider.
just do it.
haha nike o.0.
whatever.

how i wish i had the guts to do it myself.
but.. i don't.
too bad.
sigh.
i really suck.
don't understand how my friends even put up with me.
or manage to.
they all hate me.
i'm certain of it.

'playing' cs is really getting into me.
i'm not even affected by it anymore.
it's just a routine of self torture.
what so great about it?
no one knows.
no one cares.
no one bothers.
frankly, i don't bother either.
i just want to end everyone's suffering.
by ending my l___.
haha that sounds quite nice eh?

oh well.
i hope someone realises soon that i'm an idiot and kills me.
then i won't have to go through all this anymore.