hello.
haha i seem to love spoiling people's days.
like i say something depressing and it spoils their days.
wahahahaha.
i'm so evil.
a stupid idiot evil person who spoils people's days for the sake of attention?
yup that's me.
=/

and i've been thinking of scraping my blog.
whatever scraping means.
destroying it.
yeah.
i think i've revealed a bit too much.
heh.
of myself i mean.
and a blog is on the worldwideweb.
which means the whole world can have access to it anytime.
and i wouldn't want the whole world to know about me now would i?
actually the whole world doesn't bother about someone like me.
so they don't really come to read my blog.
i don't even think they know my blog url.
and some can't read english.
so..
anyway.
and a blog is a place where people can come and curse/mock you.
and you don't even know who the person is because he/she puts his/her name as anonymous.
and as some of you know, i get quite affected by these remarks.
yeah.

and i think my purpose of having a blog is to attract attention.
i mean..
i post depressing stuff.
a few people come and read my depressing posts.
and they start telling me.
no it's not true.
don't be so pessimistic.
why can't you accept yourself for who you are.
and so on and so forth.
of course i know wanting attention is no good.
i just..
don't know what's happening to me.

so.
should i scrape my blog or not?
someone answer me.

what have i done?
i really don't want to see you all suffer.
i'm sorry.
it's all my fault.
i made so many of you suffer.
seeing me everyday is already suffering in itself,
and yet i hang out with you,
talk to you,
try to get into your good books by sucking up to you,
want your attention,
want your approval..
i'm just too demanding of you.
it's like,
i want you to be able to die for me,
or something.
and when i don't get what i want from you,
i get worked up.
i'm really not worthy to be your friend.
you should just ignore or desert me.
i don't mind.
i deserve it anyway.
and hate me if you want to.
i won't blame you.
i hate myself too.

hello again.
hah this seems to be the first thing i say everytime i post.
but whatever.
sorry for not posting regularly.
as usual.=)
too busy thinking about c________ s______.
haha no la.
and apparently a lot of people know what c________ s______ means.
i'm lousy with words la.
i know.
=)

but is it THAT obvious?
i don't know.
probably is.
since a lot of people know what i always think about.
haha i'm too guang ming zheng da.
o.0
i probably like attention too much.

anyway.
results were..
horrible.
almost every subject dropped.
and i failed history.
yay.
i'm a genius!
hooray.
i love myself.
and..
that's all fake.
don't listen to it.
so my hopes of going to triple science are dashed.
but i think i can make it to physics/chem + pure lit.
i hope so.
wish me good luck.

okay.
for some reason my left palm looks really old and wrinkly compared to my right.
hah.
okay whoops.
random.
next.

boy do i keep forgetting that i should not post depressing posts.
so that people won't get affected as well.
well, probably most don't really care.
i don't blame them.
who wants to care about me anyway?

heh i'm sinking deeper and deeper into my own self-made quicksand pit.
and i keep struggling.
when shall i stop?
when my head is submerged in the quicksand?
yup.
then i won't be able to struggle anyway.

okay.
YAY exams are finally OVER!!
and that was like last week. =)
ohh well..
yay can slack now.
NO MORE MUGGING.
but the results come out like on wednesday.
that is really REALLY fast.
can you at least let us who have mugged for so LONG have some time to have fun??
in the end it's like less than one week after the exams that we get back out papers.
and boy am i going to fail all of them.
someone congratulate me.
i'm retaining next year.
yay!..not.

anyway.
so now the exams are over.
and i can finally concentrate on other stuff.
like how my fr -..
okay nevermind.
and how about me c -..
wait WAIT.
no one wants to hear this.
if you want to know just ask me then.

haha i just realised.
in my depression, i make other people depressed as well.
darn it.
but it's okay.
i shall just keep everything to myself from now on.
so that other people won't be affected anymore.
don't worry, i can take it.
trust me.

heh if anyone has read my foolscap paper,
which i think no one has except i think one person,
you would know how i'm thinking of c________ s______.
go figure.
well i feel like doing it now.

is this really me?
that i should end my life now
to block out my suffering and pain
is this what i have become?

sorry for the LONG LONG wait you all.
hahaha i know i haven't been posting for a while.
stupid exams.
making my brain LAG.
too much information.
not registering.
i am going to be SO dead for the rest of the exams.

but thank goodness geog is over!!
there were like 42 chapters to study. o.0
why do they want to test us on so much stuff anyway.
like it will be of any use later.
and i didn't finish like half the paper.
which is why i'm going to fail it.

anyway.
VALERIE WHY AREN'T YOU STUDYING?!?!?!
go NOW!



i said NOW!!




HELLO?!
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
GO!
NOW!

okay okay i'm going i'm going.
well, this is what happens when you don't study enough. =)